A lot of people would think I'm a lame person for "relying on the internet".
But I have a good reason.
During my teen years, my life totally sucked. Every day was a constant nightmare; coming home to an alcoholic father, only to be so terrified that it even affected my grades. My thoughts were constantly leaning on my home life. Hell, my literacy exam was literally me writing out an autobiography in such a way that it was written as someone else. Needless to say, that gave me a very low grade.
Anyway, my only friends were mostly female with a male group which I could count with one hand. It didn't affect me in any way (at least, I don't think so, I don't know lol). The female group I could quite happily hang around with, and talk about stuff. A few of them had interests similar to mine, especially the one subject which introduced me to deviantArt, which I think the answer would be obvious.
However, there were some days that I was unable to hang around with my friends, mostly due to the fact they were in different classes. So I spent a majority of the time in the computer room, the music tech room or even the art room.
Oh, boy... Most of my breaks from 2002 - 2004 were spent in the art room. Eventually, I got inspired to draw in the anime/manga style.
I still have some of the scans from back then.
This pretty much started a bunch of hatred against me; not from my art teacher no, but from a few more bullies. It was pretty much because it was a thing they didn't understand. So many idiots, lol...
I eventually had to buy myself a decent folder to keep all my pictures safe. I lost quite a few, needless to say.
Anyway, not only did it attract bullies, but it eventually brought a few more friends closer to me; even some that drew in an anime/manga style.
Anyway, to cut a long story short; I don't get to see them any more, at all. Which kinda blows.
Mid-2004, I started going to music college. So despite all this, I was still able to draw stuff, but not a lot sadly.
I wanted to give myself a hobby...
2005 then came, and Mahou Sensei Negima! (or just Negima! as you may know it) started. A colleague at college introduced me to it, and I quickly became attached to it. Whilst searching for episodes, I found a forum for a fansub group known as AnimeCouncil (or AnCo for short). Here, I saw more artwork, even more amazing than I'd ever seen before, and I quickly grabbed a pencil and tried to improve. However, life at home and stuff interrupted my ability to draw. I just wanted to hide away from it all...
Anyway, less depressing stuff...!
During one of my daily browses through the AnCo forum, I found out about anime fandubs. Well, my favourite anime at the time was Negima, so I thought to myself "I'm gonna have a go at this...!"Anyway, after a few months, I found some raw episodes of Negima. With these I could go ahead and dub without having to crop the subtitles out.
Now all I needed was the soundtrack, and the most important ingredient; the voice actors/actresses!
So I started a thread announcing a Negima fandub. The best part is that quite a few were interested.
However, this wasn't enough. Especially with a cast of over 30! I needed more voices.
Luckily someone introduced me to another forum dedicated to voice acting. (Voice Acting Alliance).
Another long story short:
- I started a thread here.
- I filled the quota for required voice actors/actresses.
- Some VA's got lazy.
- Negima! got licensed.
- I got a copyright claim on YouTube on a demo video I posted BEFORE Funimation licensed Negima!
- Project cancelled.
(Lol, you think this would've gone well?)
At the time, I was using 4 messengers: AIM, MSN, Skype AND Yahoo. Through the whole Negima! project, I had not only found VA's, but also found more online friends.
Yet another long story short: Very few of these guys still talk to me either. xD
Anyway, back to college. After finishing in 2006, I wanted to find work immediately. However, there was nothing in my town for a musician willing to improve. (My composing skills have died since, so I can't do it anymore.)
Well, September came, and my Careers adviser suggested a work programme. I quite happiily joined it. It lasted 13 weeks, and not only was it helpful, it was also enjoyable. During this work programme, I got back into my drawing again. Some people were impressed, and one even wanted me to draw her in my style (at the time).
Well, despite all this, I still felt crap because of home life. I even managed to get a Christmas Temp job working in a small Chinese Supermarket which lasted 3 months or so.
The birth of a unintentionally long-lasting project
November came, and I had heard about RPG Maker XP coming out. So I decided to give it a try. After a few weeks of getting used to the interface, I decided to give a full game a try. I didn't have a title at the time, but I had at least managed to name TWO of the characters.
These characters were Michiro and Yuuichi. You (maybe) guessed it, Searching for Mother began in 2006 on RPG Maker XP!
I had designed a concept picture of Michiro. [Find it here] I had shown it on a forum I had originally made for the Negima Fandub project (which I was adamant was going to continue).
I then thought of giving Michiro a sister, but I had yet to come up with a name. An online friend, and a fan of Ouran High School Host Club decided to call her Miho. Eventually, we agreed on a last name of "Chihara".
After a design of Miho (all these old files, lol), it had piqued someone's interest. (I'm not 100% sure I should post her name, but I'll risk it anyway: yukihomu )
She eventually wanted to join in on the project after I became amazed by her art. A few concepts were posted on the forum, and we agreed to work together on the game.
So, development started on Searching for Mother. It was going well. Then an idea came; what if I added voices? Back to VAA. I found a couple of voices for Michiro and Miho. However, they didn't last long, and quickly gave up.
This kinda made the project fall flat for a while. I still kept in contact with a few people, including Yuki.
A few months passed, and again I was put on a work programme. However, this was not an enjoyable programme at all. The advisers didn't really try to help me (or any other clients there) get a job. At this point I had first met sazdragon. At this point in time we didn't get to know each other.
And yet another shortened long story; a few months passed, me and sazdragon started dating, we got a temporary job working with burgers and a few work placements on the side, then in 2008 I moved in with her.
I made friends with a few of Sara's friends, and well, we often saw each other. Even went out for group meals and such. Eventually, everyone in the friend group start getting jobs, and we eventually started breaking apart.
It took us until 2009 to finally get the internet. I originally got it for job search and to spread my art around for critique and such, and to finally get round to talking to a few of my old online friends from the past. Needless to say, some were more than pleased to see me back online. I was even more surprised when someone had told me to move onto RPG Maker VX. I decided to migrate Searching for Mother to this, as I was impressed with the cleanliness of the engine.
It got a lot further than originally hoped, and I was still on SheezyArt at the time. I hadn't re-installed Skype or AIM, and after 2 years without internet, I had forgotten about some of the online friends I actually cared about.
Anyway, I introduced my game to Sheezyart, and after browsing a few artists, I had found one (by the name of Jogemu) who had a rather interesting style. I spoke to him, and asked if he would like to design some concept art for the characters. At this point I had also developed some extra characters, including Mika/Maka, and their boss Arissa.
He was happy to oblige, I installed skype, and pretty soon he sent the art over to me.
The outfit design impressed me, and I had an attempt at lining and colouring. Didn't turn out so well.
Anyway, I saw a familiar face appear on my Skype. Yuki was online. We spoke for a while, and it eventually ended up with the game being a subject. I showed Yuki the artwork, and she seemed happy to give their new designs a go. They turned out pretty well, needed a bit of tweeking, and were eventually finalised.
Anyway, things were going well, the status portrait art was inked, Michiro and Miho's message faces were also inked (Yuki coloured Miho's faces).
However, something happened. I don't know how it happened, but Yuki slowly stopped talking to me. For a while, I thought it was due to exams and such, but eventually a year passed without her speaking to me. I became worried, and tried to start a conversation with Yuki again. All of my attempts had failed miserably. Did I do something wrong? I can't remember anymore...
Onto another subject; the year I gained a teensy bit of recognition
2010 was a year when everything was going wrong; my graphics tablet at the time was playing up, and I still didn't have a job. However, after a brief visit on Sheezyart, I noticed a increase in genderbent characters. I decided to try this out for myself (after I had failed in 2007 to do so). Little did I know that a picture that was meant to be a joke was going to become a pinnacle of my popularity.
Anyway, 2011 happened
I had acquired a few new friends from Sheezyart and here, some of which were referred from other friends, family, etc. I had also found some new voice actors to help me out with my game. I also checked deviantArt, and every day I noticed a rapid increase in my messages. Looking at the "Activity", my eyes widened in surprise as I saw that FemPHLiM had started gaining A LOT of faves.
Back to the game again
I introduced my game to a certain few others (Sachrawrrr, Milothaman and ThaIssing ) and they soon became eager to want to try a demo. I basically ended it with the first boss. Amazingly, despite being broken, and me passing it along to MAAAAANY places, it seemed to do pretty well. So I continued to work on the game with this boosted eagerness to finish it.
However, it was lacking the one thing a game needed; artwork. So I asked around, and my eyes soon set on Milothaman's art in 2012 when it had suddenly blossomed within a couple of months. After a while, she finally agreed to help out, but seemed a bit uneasy about drawing for a game. I told her not to worry about it.
Although Milo was (and still is) uneasy about the game, I've given her as long as she needs to feel comfortable with being the main character artist for the game. After all, I care too much, lol...
A change for the better
2012 was definitely a good year for me, as my art had improved quite a bit. This had allowed me to feel more comfortable with starting up commissions. Surely enough, I did get quite a few. Some were just for commissions, and others were gifts.
December 2012, and my internet bill had skyrocketed. I needed a bit of help, and sure enough, Ifrit9 was there to help. He paid off my entire bill, and in return he wanted a comic involving FemPHLiM, Iffy-chan (his fem-self) and May (GtsMayCry's fem-self) with Nel being the problem character. A few of you saw the cover posted late last year (however, it was drawn in March). I started sketching the first few pages, but something started going wrong; I became uneasy about drawing a few new poses.
Luckily, Sachrawrrr, Milothaman and one of her closest friends, tarmie were there to help. They started teaching me a few techniques which helped me improve further.
However, despite all my efforts, time became consumed by tiredness, work programmes and family, and despite all this, I'm set on finishing the comic! I want to finish it so badly, but I just can't find the time. I'm really sorry, Ifrit.
A little more on the game
I released a second demo in 2013, and for the first time ever (thanks to the demo), I started receiving some legit fanart for the game. This definitely boosted my eagerness to push myself further with Searching for Mother.
OMG A JOB!
Anyway, September came, and I finally got a job interview after 6 years of waiting. Well, I'm sure most of you know the rest of the job story, lol. Now I have a job, I just can't keep myself awake long enough to continue with my art streak (says me who has spent 3 hours writing this huge wall of text). Despite what life has led me to believe, getting the job as a cleaner has left me physically drained, so I've not been able to draw as much as I'd like to. Not to mention the horrible open callus that recently appeared on the space between my thumb and index finger on my right (drawing) hand. Fun fun fun... So yeah, in short; the whole "Get a job, feel better about your life" is a full-blown lie. Anyway, if anyone can come up with any cheap solution to help me feel more awake (caffeine does NOT work with me, lol...) I would totally appreciate it. Another problem which you saw briefly this week was me losing the internet.
Near the end of 2013, I asked tarmie and ThaIssing if they wanted to contribute to Searching for Mother. ThaIssing agreed to work on monster concepts, and tarmie agreed to draw the summons for the game.
I missed the main subject; why do I rely on the internet? Read me before the tl;dr area.
Basically, the area I live in really sucks. There's no-one I can talk to that doesn't talk about anything that I can't relate to. It's always drugs, cars, sport, wrestling, backstabbing, or First-Person Shooting games. In fact, I get moaned at for being anti-social when I go next door. With that list of stuff I just mentioned, can you blame me? So I feel that the people I talk to online (a HUUUUUGE list, you don't even know how many people I respect) are the only friends I can possibly make.
Sure, the chances of us ever meeting are a billion-to-one, and if that ever happened, it would be extremely brief or by chance, but I really would want to meet you guys someday. You're all a great laugh, seriously. I enjoy talking to you all...
To finish up... AKA tl;dwtrls (or "too long; don't want to read life stories")
Some people see me as a decent guy; others see me as a depressing wreck. At the moment, most of you probably know me as "the guy who draws FemPHLiM, runs a FemPHLiM blog on Tumblr and sometimes draws some mildly perverted pics". Very few know me for the 7-year project that most of this journal consumes, but that could be because it's always on hiatus, lol.
Those who've been mentioned in this journal, I'd love to know what you truly, honestly think about me. I don't want you to feel as though you need to tell me something positive; just let it out!
And for the first time...
Did I just write the main points of my life in a huge-ass journal?
And I'm sorry if it broke my profile page xD